(link) Hi,

(link)

Hi,

I can now say that I'm living my worst nightmare.

I always thought that I'm that kind of person who has a lot of friends, who is nice and people like me. But now I think I was wrong. As writing this, I'm totally alone for the first time ever.

When I came back after being gone for few months, my friends disappeared from my life. Well actually they just didn't need me anymore. My most important quality has been that I'm needed. People are only with me when I'm needed. Somebody needs my help, my kmowledge, my time or my friendship but when they are done, I'm left behind.

It truly bothers me when nobody contacts me. I know it might sound crazy when I say that I test people close to me sometimes. But that is just because I have been left from the Group before with words "we are just too different, I have changed" and then I have been the only one left alone. So I test my friends. First I contact and ask if we can see each other maybe grab a coffee and after that meeting or hangout I wait for them to contact me the second time. Since friendship is a two way street. But most of the time like this, I don't hear from anyone from a long long time. Last time I hangout with a "close friend" who lives in the same city was FOUR months ago, FOUR MONTHS. That just leaves my depressed ass thinking "Am I really that bad person?" I'm always the first person helping, always being nice to everyone and I never let anyone be alone.

Still I'm the person left completely alone.

Thank you for listening,

Yours truly,
Cal Waves