How to save myself?

For young age, I have always being a happy kid. I always saw the positive side and refused to see the  negativity. That kept me sane for all those years.

I have no idea, when and where I lost it. When did I became this empty blackhole that just keeps sucking all the negative energy in me and keeps hating everything else than my own little bubble. I wasn't like this even when I was a teenager. I was always so easy to please, easy to be around and easy to get to everywhere. Now I rearly leave the house, I don't tolerate my friends.

Just now I wonder what happened? Was it that guy that gave me my first real heartbroke? or the situation that my close ones have? Maybe it was that moment when I lost my way on this world.

Yeah or it was all of that. I know I have things to be greatful of and don't get me wrong. I'm so greatful for knowing that I have beautiful soul owning people around me, keeping me out of the shadows. I still have my healt and my constant hunger for reading.
Still I'm lost. Little by little I'm saving myself from the shadows, but I think I can't do it by myself. Sad thing is that I have to do it. I need to be my own savior, because if I don't save myself, who will?

I really can't say that life is easy.

Cal Waves